I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
