If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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