We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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