oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
