I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
