If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
