the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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