I'm lost and stupid without you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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