I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
