the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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