I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize