I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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