how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my shit smells like andre
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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