Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
