He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
