I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
