I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize