thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I AM VODKA MAN
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
pray to the hookup gods
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
