I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
