Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
