We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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