May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
