I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
