seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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