So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
