you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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