drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
