put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse