I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.