plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.