ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost