I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
