I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone shattered a urinal.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
