I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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