Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
