just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
