It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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