Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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