i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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