I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling