I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.