You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name