Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.