Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.