Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Predator. Straight up.

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  (574): I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator? (1-574): Predator. Straight up. http://tfl.nu/63zz
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (3170)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

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  (440): I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat. http://tfl.nu/xoj4
  Replies (6) Good night (1195) Bad night (3351)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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  (516): I understand why you refuse to be sober now http://tfl.nu/j30b
  Replies (8) Good night (4904) Bad night (1095)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

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  (250): Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety... http://tfl.nu/2t4m
  Replies (8) Good night (3420) Bad night (1284)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!

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  (724): who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?! http://tfl.nu/teth
  Replies (13) Good night (2802) Bad night (1198)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

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  (+44): It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done. http://tfl.nu/song
  Replies (12) Good night (4442) Bad night (972)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy

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  (651): I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy http://tfl.nu/d161
  Replies (18) Good night (2344) Bad night (967)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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  (303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t
  Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (643)
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  (441): View more from Bermuda-Carib

  You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.

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  (441): You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only. http://tfl.nu/b5c7
  Replies (2) Good night (1917) Bad night (938)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.

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  (910): Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit. http://tfl.nu/w0fz
  Replies (8) Good night (1856) Bad night (512)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.

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  (410): after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy. http://tfl.nu/riha
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (412)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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  (410): I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time http://tfl.nu/zqpv
  Replies (0) Good night (343) Bad night (610)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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  (312): I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in http://tfl.nu/almk
  Replies (7) Good night (597) Bad night (388)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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  (573): Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection http://tfl.nu/kohz
  Replies (2) Good night (391) Bad night (470)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.

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  (734): So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know. http://tfl.nu/dxb2
  Replies (0) Good night (318) Bad night (326)

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