I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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