When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
