The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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