U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
