I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am mentally ready for anal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
