Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
