So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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