i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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