my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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