the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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