sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
