Buhtt sex?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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