if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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