you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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