Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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