Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
