When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
