It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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