Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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