So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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