i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
