somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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