I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
