If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
