oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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