Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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