I don't think brook has ever known best
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
