Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
