He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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