i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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