jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
