I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
