I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
