Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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