This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
