Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
