Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
